I am so behind....

Well I have been very behind in journaling! I am almost ashamed! I haven't kept track of Amelia's weights as she has been growing into a toddler. I haven't really kept track of her teeth growing in. I fear as she gets older she will wonder why I didn't do it. Time seems to be flying so fast! She is getting all her teeth at once it seems! Like a week after I stopped breastfeeding she has been getting teeth non stop! She is so cute right now walking all over the house & you can see she is so proud of herself! ;o) It is so cute! She no longer hangs onto whatever is close. I even saw her pull her arm away from the wall so she wouldn't touch it walking through the hall. haha. She is practically running (ok walking very fast) from the hall to the couch (which to me is quite a distance for such a new walker!) She always has a smile on her face like she is so proud of herself & I always praise her when she does it!



She also likes to shake her head no when I ask her a question like, "Are you done with your food?" Shakes head no...., "You ready to get out of the bath?" Strong shake of the head no..., "You being a good girl?" you get the idea I think ;o). It is so cute! Sometimes I think she does it to be silly. It's adorable!
















I hope my little girl always knows how beautiful she is! I worry that she will be like I was....always putting myself down & thinking that I was ugly. She is absolutely beautiful!

I always tell people that I have kept a journal so that my kids know I loved them in case anything happens to me. Because I do love them so much! I want them to have the best childhood ever!

Benjamin has been a handful lately. He just turned 3 November 1st. It is amazing the change in children as they age. It is almost like he has hit the terrible 2's... He was such a good boy no tantrums & then BAM!!! Now he will squeal & scream when we don't know what he needs or when I can't produce daddy cause daddy is at work. It is such a hard stage for me because I have a hard time with patience. I took the kids to the library on Tuesday & Benjamin kept running around & screaming & I kept telling him to stop & finally I snapped & practically dragged him from the library...he screamed even more when we got outside & I realized he had lost his shoe in the library as I was dragging him out. I felt like the worst mother in the world! So we had to go back in with him screaming his squeal scream! People wouldn't even look me in the eye & I got so self conscience! I felt like that lady at the grocery store that looks so mean & yelling at their kid...and people thinking wow what's wrong with her that she can't even control her kid?? I even yelled at Amelia when she arched her back when I tried to get her into the car. How do people keep it together? I called Chris up & told him that I needed time alone. That he better be up & ready for the kids when I got home. I told him why & when I got home I went to our room & locked the door and prayed for maybe an hour crying...then I fell asleep & felt a lot better when I woke up. Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me. Is it normal to go crazy as a mom? I didn't beat him so that's good. I don't beat. I have spanked, but not too bad.
Benjamin is a good boy too. It just depends on the day. Going to the library really made me wonder if we should even go back! I can't handle both kids at the library together.
Benjamin amazes me! He is so smart! He likes to help me in whatever I am doing & I try to let him help. I don't let him help stir the hot food on the stove & things like that, but laundry yeah he can clean the lint trap & put some of the laundry into the washer or dryer. I have let him help empty the dishwasher (plastic cutting boards, cookie sheets, pots, and once the silverware...I get nervous with that one...). I let him help me bake some brownies the other night. I got a video of him helping me & he just loves it! really need to start doing more things with the kids as far as teaching them things. I know they will be great singers because I am always singing & they love to sing with me. Benjamin LOVES the song, "Life is a Highway" by Rascal Flatts...Amelia will actually do the actions to "Popcorn Popping." LOL It's cute! She also likes the game patty cake. Awww it is so cute when they start doing the actions! I always am hearing my kids humming or Benjamin actually singing a whole verse to a song! (AMAZING to me!) I want to instill in my kids things that I love & I hope that someday they will master it & love it as well. ;o)

I am really excited when Amelia gets a bit older and the kids can play together better. Right now Benjamin tries to hold her & he grabs her around her neck! I have to watch really carefully. Of course Amelia is a good screamer! Almost too good! She turns on the tears so easily! I think I am getting back what I gave my parents 10 fold! It is amazing how they imitate how you were growing up! Benjamin totally LOVES his "sissyboo" ;o) It's so cute! Oh & I know when Benjamin gets into his belly laughing that something is up (when I am not in the room). Usually he has his sister pinned to the floor or she is doing something that isn't too safe...like stuck somewhere... He thinks it is so funny! So I know to check on them when he laughs like that. He will tell me when his sister is up to no good though which has been VERY helpful! Like the other night she got a hold of one of Chris' Red Pepper packet from work & spilled it on the floor & was trying to eat it! Ben came to me & said, "Sister is touching it!!" So I went over & sure enough there she was trying to snack on it! I got the vacuum & picked it up. Thank goodness for my boy who tells us things! He will even show us something that could be potentially dangerous...like he broke open one of those freshness packets that are put in food to keep them fresh...it had these beads in it & he points out to me that they were all over the floor & then he tells me that he put them in his ears! I thought why would he do that??? He has never stuck things in his other areas (nose, ears, etc...) Sure enough I stick my finger in his ear & there were a few right in the front...oh man I was freaked out! I told him not to play with it & I had him wash his hands. I think I did a triple check of his ears to make sure I got all of them! ahhhhhh! At least he told me right??

Right now my favorite song is "Apologize" by OneRepublic-Timbaland. I listen to it OVER & OVER & OVER... LOL. The singer is so good & the music is so beautiful! I have put it on my music blog & I listened to it so many times tonight!

So I was reading my friend Arah Kunz's blog about her baby that passed away 2 hours after birth. It is amazing how the family has come together for her! I cry when I think about how my friend knew her baby wouldn't survive long after birth & how she still decided to carry it until the end! Amazing! She is truly Amazing! I don't know how I would have handled it! It just pains me to think I have all these problems with my kids & then there are those that can not have kids. Arah has a daughter who is absolutely beautiful, but to know you are going to lose a baby when you have it! WOW. She is an inspiration to me! She wanted to make sure that baby gained a body. That is so great! I don't know if I would have thought of that, but I would now if that were to happen to me. I have prayed for Arah & her family to have comfort! People have even mentioned that the baby's spirit was so perfect that she just came to the earth to gain a body & then to return immediately home to Heavenly Father! I LOVED that explanation!

Well I better go...early church tomorrow uggh! (8:30AM! Please January come fast!) I can't believe Amelia goes into the nursery in February!